Friday, August 14, 2009


Yesterday I had an epiphany. A friend asked me a couple weeks ago why is I can't hear it when people express gratitude or appreciation. She asked in the spirit of replying to my attitude that typically just smiles and nods at people's comments about my work or my art. But I was taking (of all things) a facebook Meyers-Briggs quiz (ENFP, surprise surprise!) and this question was asked:
You react more strongly to which of the following:
1. Acheivement
2. Appreciation

And something clicked inside...that I really dont need or seek out people's appreciation or gratitude in response to my actions, I feel fulfilled when my actions have been a catalyst for positive growth that I can see. I don't want the church to thank me or recognize me because of my efforts, I want my efforts to bring it closer to god! I don't want my significant other to respond with deep words of gratitude for the things I do for her, I want to see her stand taller and walk with more peace in her heart because she knows she is worthy of the action and emotion I offer her.

And in all the ministry and projects and discernment and judgment that accompanies my life as a Missioner, if the only reply I get is to be introduced and clapped for and thanked like a mini-celebrity, then my heart fades a bit. But if my programs and sermons and systematic reform and training and mentoring are seeds that actully bring life or healing or the Holy Spirit more closely to another human being, then I will have received glory and thanks primarily from my god, not the world and The Accuser's ranting that i need a plaque and certificates to appreciate my own worth couldn't even be heard above the angel choir singing gods glory.

-- Note to Self: acknowledge deep within that the gratitude and appreciation of the world is STILL something of this world, but when your actions are a catalyst for spiritual growth and renewal, then god fills your heart with more power and grace than any recognition dinner ever could.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Sioux prayer

Printed in 1958 in Los Angeles newspapers to observe a World Day of Prayer

O great spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds,
And whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.
I come before you, one of your many children.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty andmake my eyes
Ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
My ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may know the things you
Have taught my people, the lesson you have
Hidden in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength, not to be superior to my brothers,
But to be able to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you with clean hands
And straight eyes, so when life fades as a fading sunset,
My spirit will one to you without shame

-- Note to Self: speechless. And humbled.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Getting things done

Our life in the church is governed by one law: love. Love Your god with all your heart, love your neighbor as yourself. Love. Period.
But, when in the course of human events, those with power or charisma or education come to places of power carrying their demons and weakness into that seat, we lose sight of the law of love. Those of us who work with everything we've got to keep that guide at front want to scream for them to remove ther craniums from their rectums, but I guess we all need a specialist sometimes to tell us what our granma's told us for free.
So what do we do? We see the tires spinning, we see lots of talk and little action, we see the least in our communities neglected because those with the most would rather talk their own lingo than get their hands dirty. What do we do?
We retreat unto him who made himself least. We revisit the teachings of him who called us to serve. We refocus on Christ and his gospel of love. Anything, anything else is something developed from this world...strategic plans, listening sessions, focus groups summits...throw it out the dang window, save yourself some heartache, and just listen to christ.
It's the only way you'll ever get things done.

-- Note to Self: stop trying to manage the whole damn world with your newfangled ideas...sit down with The Book and listen for once!

Monday, August 3, 2009


We all need some kind of security. Wether we're in a different culture, down the street, or in our own house, I think security is something necessary to happiness.
I've been trying to get maintenance done on the Volvo for a week, and it's been a domino effect of problems one after the next. And suddenly, the only thing I own down here is bringing me a sense of insecurity where before it brought freedom.
So what brings security in your life? A significant other? A home, car? Memory?
I'm sitting here in the caribbean and feeling my security (all ready low) drift lower because of a car? Seriously??! Oh me of little faith!! Time to figure out what is going on and readjust some priorities...I got lots of battles to fight and there is no way a material thing should give me grief.

-- Note to Self: find ways to give myself security that doesn't rely on worldly, breakable things. Give to Ceasar what is his and give to God what is his, simple and true. Because the more faith I put into the powers of this world, the more pain I can feel down the road.