Monday, August 29, 2011
Narratology...HUH?
Friday, October 1, 2010
Papa
He stands, picks up his newborn baby daughter, and relaxes his arms as she settles into the warm embrace of her daddy. She stirs. Slowly eyes open that cannot yet recognize the world. He knows to her tiny mind he is just a mass of light and dark, but he bends his scraggly bearded head next to hers and whispers:
"Hi baby. I'm your daddy, your papa. I love you with all that I am and will give you all I have. I'll teach you to run, teach you to build things, teach you what to look for in a good guy."
He pulls his head away and looks at her deep brown eyes.
"I forgive you, my love. I forgive you for all the heartache you will cause. I forgive you for saying you hate me when you're 16 and I won't give you the car. I forgive you for all the wrong things you will ever do. I forgive you for breaking my heart when you'll finally choose another man to devote your life to. And I forgive you for ever doubting that you have the power to change the world."
Baby reached a tiny hand toward the deep bass of his voice. He settled a finger close to her and she grasped it and squeezed. A handshake of infinite love and support marks the opening act of the greatest journey he will ever take. He smiles. So does she. And then she drifts back to sleep, comforted and safe. In the arms of daddy.
-- Note to self: who is god to you? Why can't god be more human than you are? Open my eyes, that might see.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Give Your Best To Relationships
The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed. The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story:
If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent..
This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Help for a missionary
But the ship is doomed? What!? I mean really, all most high omnipotent one? We're out here working proclaiming and teaching and working and sweating and the very ship keeping us afloat is guaranteed doomed? It just means so much from this year and three months: your work is ok and you will deal with it all and come out on the end, but remember that it's the journey and the end result, not the ship- not security and wealth or peace or family or all those things you cling to. It's as if god says,"I'm gonna strip you bare, you'll go without food for 14 days, the centurions are gonna threaten you with death regularly, and you're gonna want to die rather than continue...but this is all part of my plan. And I won't let you die, because you are mine, you hear me? I've got you, so STOP TRYING TO CLING TO THE COMFORT OF YOUR OLD LIFE!!" and then I think god would add some cute admonishment like "genius" or "brilliance" to us.
But as I write this, I have lost the furniture in my house to the battle of Caribbean mold, sleeping on a matress on the floor, I've now witnessed five cars go down to repair or regulations, I have no idea how to crank out the massive volume of work on my to do list, and my personal life swings back and forth from solid to precarious. I can't help but feel like these guys in Acts 27, but I read it and hear Paul say, "it's gonna look up, we're gonna make it...but the ship is doomed. Get over the ship, ladies and gentlemen."
-- Note to self: my ship is the preconcieved notion that even though I'm in America, things will work like they always do. But they don't. It takes two weeks and a lot of work to get a second day mail package, and people just don't read the fancy email newsletters and websites you create. Deal with it, that's your ship, and it's gonna sink...find a new way to get where you're going, and recommit to listening to Gods voice in scripture direct your path.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I think this speaks enough on it's own
2. I give my love to you freely, as an expression of my own passion, and I do so without any expectation of your feelings toward me.
3. When I say “I love you” it doesn’t mean that I feel ownership over you, or that I have expectations for your behavior, or rigid ideas of our future together.
4. I love you for what you are now, not for what I hope you will someday become. I have no plans to change you. I do, however, support your own desire to grow.
5. I respect your right to you having your own feelings, and to your need to learn your own lessons in life. If I can help, I will wait to be asked, and otherwise will allow you to go through the experiences that you need and choose.
6. I will do my best to be in touch with my own feelings and desires, and communicate them to you without any expectation that you will act on them.
7. I am happy with or without you. My bliss is my responsibility alone.
8. I leave you free to be yourself: to think your thoughts, indulge your tastes, follow your inclinations, behave in ways that you decide are to your liking. I have no right to judge or change your behavior.
9. I desire that you be happy. If your time spent with me is not joyful, then you are welcome to go on your way with my love and support still with you.
10. I recognize that we are two separate whole people, who have chosen to walk side-by-side through life for a time. I rejoice in the ecstasy of the present-moments we share together.
-- Note to self: remember to act with love, not desire or need. There's a fine line.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Doors and windows
I think all that is amazing advice - when you're not in the midst of the mud that describes it all. It's so easy or people on the outside of our situations to say, "keep it up, suck it up, whatever" but while in the midst of it, you are giving everything you've got just to keep breathing!
Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need to fight. In my experience, all of those "open doors" seem to happen when I'm just too selfish to acknowledge what's really going on around me. Those moments in which I disconnect for defensive purposes are always the times when I get knocked around and there's been a lot of both lately.
So what's my advice to the closed door? What's the best thing to do for a situation that god has led you to but wil not break you?
Jump out the dang window man.
Seriously! Break convention. Quit thinking in the box, get new energy by trying the thing you don't expect to work. Maybe god closed the door and brought you to the tough spot to make you jump out the window?
-- Note to self: to get something I've never experienced before, I mist do something I've never tried. Hold my hand, I'm jumping out the window...
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Why we do what we do
2. Because god has a lesson to teach you. A guy walked up to me yesterday, asked for some money. I didn't have a cent on me, and after a short repartee, he relieved himself on the street, and walked off. I just picked up the Indiana Jones bag, and quietly removed myself from the area of te growing puddle. I walked away, thinking, "god, open my eyes to see the face of Christ on that man, and surround him with your grace."
3. Because we are called. This isn't a job, and the lives I've touched and changed in 14 months has humbled me dearly. I feel a level of sadness knowing that the trials of this church on these islands is one that I cannot fix, and I must do what I can with whom god brings to me or guides me to.
4. Because the gospel is real. Seeing older parishioners of the churches I serve voice an inability to talk to others about their faith is truly heartbreaking. What have we been doing for fifty years if our elders can't express faith without reciting empty, typical, Christian propaganda? The discipleship program I'm running at the cathedral is mind blowing, and we're going to try a day long conference of it for all episcopalians in te islands in December. But I cannot bring blessing into houses that do not welcome it.
5. Because we weep with the heart of God. We are not self serving, but see all experiences as a chance to see christ in another. When god is hurting because of a situation, we weep too. And we do what we can, even if it isn't as far reaching as we might hope.
-- Note to self: remember why you do this work, and don't let anyone else chip away the mortar that holds your resolve. When it's over and you're coles elsewhere, you'll know. And even though the journey has had disappointments, it has also had profound triumph. Don't forget why you do what you do.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Purpose
You react more strongly to which of the following:
1. Acheivement
2. Appreciation
And something clicked inside...that I really dont need or seek out people's appreciation or gratitude in response to my actions, I feel fulfilled when my actions have been a catalyst for positive growth that I can see. I don't want the church to thank me or recognize me because of my efforts, I want my efforts to bring it closer to god! I don't want my significant other to respond with deep words of gratitude for the things I do for her, I want to see her stand taller and walk with more peace in her heart because she knows she is worthy of the action and emotion I offer her.
And in all the ministry and projects and discernment and judgment that accompanies my life as a Missioner, if the only reply I get is to be introduced and clapped for and thanked like a mini-celebrity, then my heart fades a bit. But if my programs and sermons and systematic reform and training and mentoring are seeds that actully bring life or healing or the Holy Spirit more closely to another human being, then I will have received glory and thanks primarily from my god, not the world and The Accuser's ranting that i need a plaque and certificates to appreciate my own worth couldn't even be heard above the angel choir singing gods glory.
-- Note to Self: acknowledge deep within that the gratitude and appreciation of the world is STILL something of this world, but when your actions are a catalyst for spiritual growth and renewal, then god fills your heart with more power and grace than any recognition dinner ever could.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A Sioux prayer
O great spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds,
And whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.
I come before you, one of your many children.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty andmake my eyes
Ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
My ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may know the things you
Have taught my people, the lesson you have
Hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brothers,
But to be able to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you with clean hands
And straight eyes, so when life fades as a fading sunset,
My spirit will one to you without shame
-- Note to Self: speechless. And humbled.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Getting things done
But, when in the course of human events, those with power or charisma or education come to places of power carrying their demons and weakness into that seat, we lose sight of the law of love. Those of us who work with everything we've got to keep that guide at front want to scream for them to remove ther craniums from their rectums, but I guess we all need a specialist sometimes to tell us what our granma's told us for free.
So what do we do? We see the tires spinning, we see lots of talk and little action, we see the least in our communities neglected because those with the most would rather talk their own lingo than get their hands dirty. What do we do?
We retreat unto him who made himself least. We revisit the teachings of him who called us to serve. We refocus on Christ and his gospel of love. Anything, anything else is something developed from this world...strategic plans, listening sessions, focus groups summits...throw it out the dang window, save yourself some heartache, and just listen to christ.
It's the only way you'll ever get things done.
-- Note to Self: stop trying to manage the whole damn world with your newfangled ideas...sit down with The Book and listen for once!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Security
I've been trying to get maintenance done on the Volvo for a week, and it's been a domino effect of problems one after the next. And suddenly, the only thing I own down here is bringing me a sense of insecurity where before it brought freedom.
So what brings security in your life? A significant other? A home, car? Memory?
I'm sitting here in the caribbean and feeling my security (all ready low) drift lower because of a car? Seriously??! Oh me of little faith!! Time to figure out what is going on and readjust some priorities...I got lots of battles to fight and there is no way a material thing should give me grief.
-- Note to Self: find ways to give myself security that doesn't rely on worldly, breakable things. Give to Ceasar what is his and give to God what is his, simple and true. Because the more faith I put into the powers of this world, the more pain I can feel down the road.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Ups and downs
God calls each of us to walk a journey. A journey with twists and choices and stops and sprints. Our job is not to understand the "why's" of the journey, or to try and plan out our own version of things that makes God's plan obsolete. Our job is to let the occurances and trials of today and yesterday be the testing ground whereby we can go deep into the truest parts of ourselves. It's an inward journey, not external.
I think this is the root of unhappiness and depression and anxiety...that we focus too much on conquering the world in our name and lose track of the real meaning of life: to discover ourselves and grow from what we find. If you work your tail off to build a flash house with bells and gold and marble, and a hurricane comes and tears it to pieces, are you devastated? Why? But if your house is not built of wood and stone, but of experiences, memories, and friends, then no storm of any size can tear it down.
Jesus said, build your treasure in heaven (the spirit) and not on earth (the body).
-- Note to self: get rid of everything I don't need to survive...let God provide the things necessary to thrive.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Getting Deep
- Close your eyes and take 10 slow deep breaths – in through the nose, and out through the mouth. Say to yourself the word ‘Relax’ on each out breath.
- Imagine yourself at the top of 10 steps, with a door at the bottom. With every slow step you take down, feel yourself becoming deeper and deeper relaxed.
- When you get to the bottom open the door to your ideal place of relaxation. It could be a beach, a garden, anywhere. It could be somewhere real, or imagined – your own uniquely special relaxing haven.
- Use as many senses as you can. Take a good look around. Pause and listen to any sounds. Perhaps you can hear the call of a bird, or the breeze gently blowing. Perhaps you can smell the sweet scent of flowers, or the salt in the sea? Touch objects, and make the experience as real as you possibly can.
- Explore your relaxing haven, and enjoy it for as long as you wish.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Want to make God laugh? tell her your future plans...
Don't get me wrong here, i am a man of action...i have had to learn to make plans, and plan options, and i like being able to come into the office, write up my to do list for the day, and look at the end of work to see what i've been able to check off. Not having an idea and a direction can drive me nuts. Maybe it does you too, so here is a holy trinity of letting God direct your decision and planning:
1. Forget goals. Long term (NOT short term) goals are a quicksand pit to me. When you set big global goals and for one reason or another can't meet them, then you're worse than you started from...you judge yourself and the world around you because of the failure. So focus on the next week, the next month, and at the very most, ask yourself where you want to be a year from now. Everything else is setting up for failure.
2. become a list person. When we try to keep the actions and needs in our lives confined to our head, we lose and forget things, or get overwhelmed by the enormous amount of projects and chores to do. So write it down! Make it a sacramental act of the inward change that you are clearing out these lists and dreams and nightmares to make room for the divine.
3. Talk to God. Converse with God. People who ask me about how i pray are appalled sometimes at the tone i use and the words i hear back from within during prayer time. The whole concept started with a book called "Conversations with God" where this guy started writing a letter to God to vent and complain about everything, and suddenly realized that answers to his questions were coming to him when he just wrote in stream of consciousness. Start with this kind of process. Write down a prayer to God, then write the first thing that comes to your mind. Eventually, you'll see the difference between God speaking and your own ego. And eventually, you'll leave the paper behind for a true inward dialogue with God. trust this...if we believe that through Christ we have a loving and creative relationship with God, then just blathering about a litany of "Good Lord, help me to (insert request here)" is really insulting to the Gospel message and Christ's work.
try these three. Maybe you'll begin to get less anxious, laugh more, relax more fully, and get yourself out of your own way because you've just made conscious effort to reunite with your creator, who knows you better than anyone, and who knew every strength and fault in your character and soul before you even took your first breath...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow us half sorrow.
1. God is one of creation. With words, creation was spoken into existence. With action though Christ, we have a continual connection to redemption and forgiveness with faith even as small as a grain of sand. And with our thoughts, we have the power to change our lives and the lives around us. When a relationship does not create new life within you, or when a relationship consistently (because there are those days) beats you down or saps your energy, then you know it's not of God. An incredibly simple concept, but one tough as nails to follow through on.
2. A relationship builds you up. It makes you grow, even the unhealthy ones (eventually). Most importantly, relationships from God are ones that help you reconnect with a deeper understanding of yourself and knowledge of who you are. When you try to become something you're not, or change who you are for any reason than personal growth as YOUR choice, then you have abandoned your true self, and become something other than what God has made you to be...you are creating a false image, a false identity, and it will catch up to you.
3. We all wear masks, and we all carry the burden of memory and history. Taking time to help someone heal their pain is a noble thing, but in a friendship or romantic partnership, I have seen that the only way to be truly healthy is when two people come to together to mutually heal each other. One person should not be the catalyst for health and change by themselves- that's what counselors and spiritual directors are for- but together, equally balanced, a true relationship will cause both parties to grow stronger and happier and more honest (as a couple and individally). Don't get me wrong, there are days when one must lean on the other, but neither should be a crutch.
God based relationships, whether personal, professional, or romantic should be ones that create new life in the people involved. Conflict is unavoidable, but even in conflict or the aftermath of it, a person should be able to say, "that made me a better man/woman."
If not, then maybe the relationship was not intended for the purpose you are putting it to, and it's time to take a hard look at how this can be changed to reflect the divine's hope of reconciling each us to him(her) self.
-- note to self: remember that life is given and taken away. What has been, is now, and will be again. The relationships I hold close to my heart should be ones that help me fulfill my destiny, or create my own...if they break me down just to break me down, then maybe I need to readjust my boundaries.
Friday, April 17, 2009
"I'm sorry" -the hard lesson
So I thought about it, a lot, and what I came up with saddened me a bit.
I am a reactive person who reads body language and inflection almost to a fault, which comes from a lifetime of working with teenagers who either can't or won't express themselves fully. I am also a person who had enjoyed learning of other cultures and being taught different ways of looking at our world.
In my past experiences: in New Zealand, Mexico, the UK, even Russia, when I didn't know something about the local culture I just asked...people knew I hadn't grown up there, they wanted to share their culture and lifestyle, they (at least to my perspective) saw my ingorance and attempt to learn as a positive step, and typically responded by setting the record straight.
But in the Islands, in my short time here, the reply is typically just plain harsh. People can be so quick to point out that I don't know the culture and leave it at that, with a look if triumph on their face. I find myself apologizing for my ignorance more than learning how to honor and respect this different way of being. And it has created a slight paranoia that much of what I do will always garner that kind of response...so I've come to apologize quicker and for things that don't seem to make sense to apologize for...
-- note to self: I have got to give people the benefit of doubt. Just because my first days on island and emmersion in this culture garnered a certain response, doesn't mean that everyone will respond that way. And by assuming they WILL react harshly is just a shallow judgement on my part based only on history, not the moment and the person in front of me.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
translate THIS into church life, will ya?
A preacher and an atheistic barber were once walking through the city slums. Said the barber to the preacher: "This is why I cannot believe in a God of love. If God was as kind as you say, He would not permit all this poverty, disease, and squalor. He would not allow these poor bums to be addicted to dope and other character-destroying habits. No, I cannot believe in a God who permits these things."
The minister was silent until they met a man who was especially unkempt and filthy. His hair was hanging down his neck and he had a half-inch of stubble on his face. Said the minister: "You must not be a very good barber because you wouldn't permit a man like that to continue living in this neighborhood without a haircut and shave." Indignantly the barber answered: "Why blame me for that man's condition? I can't help it that he is like that. He has never come in my shop; I could fix him up and make him look like a gentleman!"
Giving the barber a penetrating look, the minister said: "Then don't blame God for allowing the people to continue in their evil ways, when He is constantly inviting them to come and be saved."
Friday, April 10, 2009
From: a salty piece of land: one amazing book!
Jimmy buffet
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Blessings
But then I got off the plane.
I met robby and lyndsay, who were on island for the first time, didn't know where they could stay or where to start with their little vacation. I took them to the camp ground at Magens bay, told them the basics, and gave them my number in case they needed someone. I hadn't even re-hydrated and I was already knee deep in ministry.
Then I had one of the most amazing evenings with one of my friends here, and can only describe it as magical.
But it didn't end...today was a day of teaching and counseling and being there for some of the All Saints students.
I hadn't even been here 24 hours, and I saw god working through me constantly. It was a gift beyond gratitude.
-- note to self: regardless of what I think I want or should have, there is a plan bigger than me, if I only take the time to look for it: wether it comes in talking pillars of fire, or a ten minute conversation with a random person on the street.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
When life catches up to you
It's never an easy thing to see your parents aging. I'm sitting here in an emergency room, have been here for a couple hours while my dad lays on a bed and doctors can't seem to get their act together enough to figure out why he's in such pain. We thought it was kidney stones, something he's dealt with before, but it seems that is not the case.
So in moments like this, where your faith is tested and you scream out to God to please help this man find some peace and health...where the constant beeping and alarms of the emergency room remind you of your own mortality...it's moments like these that life jus seems to catch up to you with a ten ton weight and drops you in the drink for a bit.
-- note to self: never take for granted the life you have or the people you have in it. One minute they are the strongest, indestructable people in existence, and the next they might be leaning on you for support. Both roles are equally important.
