Life

Narratology...HUH?

2011-08-29T17:05:00.001-07:00

So I'm taking this class a friend of mine is teaching at Lenoir Rhyne University on Storytelling. Part of the class is to summarize weekly readings and blog about them, and I'll be posting that here. If you follow me, I hope you're ready for a resurgence of posts and listening to my irreverent banter in the realm of the study of narrative. For those of you in the class, please don't use me as a model for summaries, I'm doing my best, but have forgotten most of what I knew about formal writing...too many sermons and lesson plans. Ms. Bennett: It'll get better.

So I'm reading this article written by Susana Onega and Jose Angel Garcia Landa entitled: Narratology: An introduction. The article seems to be essentially divided into three parts. The first is an explanation and definition of Narratology in general (I know you're dying to hear that part, but patience is a virtue), a brief but wordy walk throught the various means of analysis used in Narratology (I read it with my dictionary app open, no kidding), and the ways that this realm of study has manifest through history.

Narrative, in a nutshell, is the "representation of a series of events." My favorite description from the reading is paraphrased as: "Using signs and symbols, either visual or aural, to represent a series of events connected through time and [the rules] of cause and effect." Narratology, therefore, is the study of the narrative using analytical approach. Forms of narrative are defined by history, culture, and method, and every narrative medium, from campfire stories to novels to movies to drama and beyond, requires a specific analytical approach. The narrative itself can be identifed by various parts. This includes the Text, or the actual written, drawn, filmed, dramatized or whatever method by which the story is told, the Fabula, the general gist of the story broken down to its basic elements, and the story itself, the concrete chain of events that keeps you up past bedtime and dreaming of your lunchbreak.

A fascinating concept I had never really thought about came in the analysis of the narrative. On one side is a horizontal approach to understanding the story. This means you pick apart the beginning, middle, and end, and find out what the story is saying. But more importantly (to me, at least) is a vertical analysis of the story. Vertical analysis requires seeing how deep you can go in finding parallels and meaning to the narrative itself. It opens up a world of meaning in the simplest of stories. From there, you delve into all sorts of ways to analyze a narrative: the person telling the story, the voice used, culture, etc.

As always, to understand narratology, we must understand where it came from. And these two very intelligent people went as far back as Plato, and came through modern understandings of studying the narrative. It was interesting to see the parrallels between literary analysis and artistic analysis, even so much as some of the movements are similar: Classical, Modernism, Formalism, Contemporary, etc. There was a common vein of argument about the difference between telling the story versus showing the story. Aristotle said, "an action should be treated artistically before it becomes a plot." Some people later tried something different, some people expounded on that concept, focusing on characters and experience or structure and complexity. It was very interesting to parallel the style of analysis as a reaction to world events at the time. Ancient Narrative was as epic as it could be made to be. The rise of the Industrial Revolution through the second World War brought a more complex, structured approach to narrative, more modern styles posit a myriad of theories behind various aspects of narrative.

It is ironic that the single fact in this article that raised my eyebrows the most is that Freud himself reasoned that "the whole process of the development of the self, as well as psychoanalytic therapy, was narratively structured." Now when I ask someone what their story is or someone asks me mine, it is a grand thing to think of the scope of research boiled down into one little question. I've never been a fan of Freud, but here he is at the center of my day to day work with youth. What's your story?

So based on all this, I'd really be interested to know if all of these mechanisms have changed your perspective on how you look at the narrative, at the stories around you. Which is most important to you, the structure of the work, or the effect on the reader? Which method excites you more, the horizontal analysis of a narrative, or a more vertical one?

(All quoted phrases taken from Narratology: An Introduction)

Papa

2010-10-01T08:56:00.001-07:00

It was a Tuesday morning. The sterility of the hospital room contradicted the cold mist and dirt of the november morning. The mother was asleep, exhausted from a long labor and difficult pregnancy. A man knelt at the foot of the bed, praying for his wife, crying tears of joy at his acceptance of the new challenge of being both father and husband.
He stands, picks up his newborn baby daughter, and relaxes his arms as she settles into the warm embrace of her daddy. She stirs. Slowly eyes open that cannot yet recognize the world. He knows to her tiny mind he is just a mass of light and dark, but he bends his scraggly bearded head next to hers and whispers:
"Hi baby. I'm your daddy, your papa. I love you with all that I am and will give you all I have. I'll teach you to run, teach you to build things, teach you what to look for in a good guy."
He pulls his head away and looks at her deep brown eyes.
"I forgive you, my love. I forgive you for all the heartache you will cause. I forgive you for saying you hate me when you're 16 and I won't give you the car. I forgive you for all the wrong things you will ever do. I forgive you for breaking my heart when you'll finally choose another man to devote your life to. And I forgive you for ever doubting that you have the power to change the world."
Baby reached a tiny hand toward the deep bass of his voice. He settled a finger close to her and she grasped it and squeezed. A handshake of infinite love and support marks the opening act of the greatest journey he will ever take. He smiles. So does she. And then she drifts back to sleep, comforted and safe. In the arms of daddy.

-- Note to self: who is god to you? Why can't god be more human than you are? Open my eyes, that might see.

Give Your Best To Relationships

2009-11-30T09:36:00.000-08:00

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her.

The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed. The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story:
If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent..

This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.

Help for a missionary

2009-11-11T19:31:00.000-08:00

My daily read from the bible today was acts 27. And can I tell you that it was words to hear for a person in the mission field! This chapter outlines the hell Paul and other prisoners went through on their way to italy. Nothing went right, the threat of death hung over everyone from both nature and their captors. And when everything seemed to hit rock bottom, Paul gave words of encouragement saying, "we're gonna make it! But the ship is doomed."
But the ship is doomed? What!? I mean really, all most high omnipotent one? We're out here working proclaiming and teaching and working and sweating and the very ship keeping us afloat is guaranteed doomed? It just means so much from this year and three months: your work is ok and you will deal with it all and come out on the end, but remember that it's the journey and the end result, not the ship- not security and wealth or peace or family or all those things you cling to. It's as if god says,"I'm gonna strip you bare, you'll go without food for 14 days, the centurions are gonna threaten you with death regularly, and you're gonna want to die rather than continue...but this is all part of my plan. And I won't let you die, because you are mine, you hear me? I've got you, so STOP TRYING TO CLING TO THE COMFORT OF YOUR OLD LIFE!!" and then I think god would add some cute admonishment like "genius" or "brilliance" to us.
But as I write this, I have lost the furniture in my house to the battle of Caribbean mold, sleeping on a matress on the floor, I've now witnessed five cars go down to repair or regulations, I have no idea how to crank out the massive volume of work on my to do list, and my personal life swings back and forth from solid to precarious. I can't help but feel like these guys in Acts 27, but I read it and hear Paul say, "it's gonna look up, we're gonna make it...but the ship is doomed. Get over the ship, ladies and gentlemen."

-- Note to self: my ship is the preconcieved notion that even though I'm in America, things will work like they always do. But they don't. It takes two weeks and a lot of work to get a second day mail package, and people just don't read the fancy email newsletters and websites you create. Deal with it, that's your ship, and it's gonna sink...find a new way to get where you're going, and recommit to listening to Gods voice in scripture direct your path.

I think this speaks enough on it's own

2009-11-04T08:58:00.001-08:00

1. When I say I love you, I mean that I feel a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection, desire to offer attentive care and protection toward a you. I am filled with a feeling of intense desire and attraction towards you. I feel a sense of underlying oneness with you that fills my heart with joy.

2. I give my love to you freely, as an expression of my own passion, and I do so without any expectation of your feelings toward me.

3. When I say “I love you” it doesn’t mean that I feel ownership over you, or that I have expectations for your behavior, or rigid ideas of our future together.

4. I love you for what you are now, not for what I hope you will someday become. I have no plans to change you. I do, however, support your own desire to grow.

5. I respect your right to you having your own feelings, and to your need to learn your own lessons in life. If I can help, I will wait to be asked, and otherwise will allow you to go through the experiences that you need and choose.

6. I will do my best to be in touch with my own feelings and desires, and communicate them to you without any expectation that you will act on them.

7. I am happy with or without you. My bliss is my responsibility alone.

8. I leave you free to be yourself: to think your thoughts, indulge your tastes, follow your inclinations, behave in ways that you decide are to your liking. I have no right to judge or change your behavior.

9. I desire that you be happy. If your time spent with me is not joyful, then you are welcome to go on your way with my love and support still with you.

10. I recognize that we are two separate whole people, who have chosen to walk side-by-side through life for a time. I rejoice in the ecstasy of the present-moments we share together.

-- Note to self: remember to act with love, not desire or need. There's a fine line.

Doors and windows

2009-11-03T13:08:00.000-08:00

It has been said that god never closes one door without opening another. It has also been said that you draw to you those things which resonate within your soul. It has also been said that God does not bring you to something you cannot overcome. Or what kills you makes you stronger.
I think all that is amazing advice - when you're not in the midst of the mud that describes it all. It's so easy or people on the outside of our situations to say, "keep it up, suck it up, whatever" but while in the midst of it, you are giving everything you've got just to keep breathing!
Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need to fight. In my experience, all of those "open doors" seem to happen when I'm just too selfish to acknowledge what's really going on around me. Those moments in which I disconnect for defensive purposes are always the times when I get knocked around and there's been a lot of both lately.
So what's my advice to the closed door? What's the best thing to do for a situation that god has led you to but wil not break you?
Jump out the dang window man.
Seriously! Break convention. Quit thinking in the box, get new energy by trying the thing you don't expect to work. Maybe god closed the door and brought you to the tough spot to make you jump out the window?

-- Note to self: to get something I've never experienced before, I mist do something I've never tried. Hold my hand, I'm jumping out the window...

Why we do what we do

2009-10-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

1. Because each week I get an hour and a half with over 100 students of mixed race and religion and teach them the gospel message. Chapel services are aparrently te talk of the high school. Yes dear ones, teenagers looking forward to church! Of course, using beyonce and r Kelly for music helps, lol.
2. Because god has a lesson to teach you. A guy walked up to me yesterday, asked for some money. I didn't have a cent on me, and after a short repartee, he relieved himself on the street, and walked off. I just picked up the Indiana Jones bag, and quietly removed myself from the area of te growing puddle. I walked away, thinking, "god, open my eyes to see the face of Christ on that man, and surround him with your grace."
3. Because we are called. This isn't a job, and the lives I've touched and changed in 14 months has humbled me dearly. I feel a level of sadness knowing that the trials of this church on these islands is one that I cannot fix, and I must do what I can with whom god brings to me or guides me to.
4. Because the gospel is real. Seeing older parishioners of the churches I serve voice an inability to talk to others about their faith is truly heartbreaking. What have we been doing for fifty years if our elders can't express faith without reciting empty, typical, Christian propaganda? The discipleship program I'm running at the cathedral is mind blowing, and we're going to try a day long conference of it for all episcopalians in te islands in December. But I cannot bring blessing into houses that do not welcome it.
5. Because we weep with the heart of God. We are not self serving, but see all experiences as a chance to see christ in another. When god is hurting because of a situation, we weep too. And we do what we can, even if it isn't as far reaching as we might hope.

-- Note to self: remember why you do this work, and don't let anyone else chip away the mortar that holds your resolve. When it's over and you're coles elsewhere, you'll know. And even though the journey has had disappointments, it has also had profound triumph. Don't forget why you do what you do.

Purpose

2009-08-14T06:03:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had an epiphany. A friend asked me a couple weeks ago why is I can't hear it when people express gratitude or appreciation. She asked in the spirit of replying to my attitude that typically just smiles and nods at people's comments about my work or my art. But I was taking (of all things) a facebook Meyers-Briggs quiz (ENFP, surprise surprise!) and this question was asked:
You react more strongly to which of the following:
1. Acheivement
2. Appreciation

And something clicked inside...that I really dont need or seek out people's appreciation or gratitude in response to my actions, I feel fulfilled when my actions have been a catalyst for positive growth that I can see. I don't want the church to thank me or recognize me because of my efforts, I want my efforts to bring it closer to god! I don't want my significant other to respond with deep words of gratitude for the things I do for her, I want to see her stand taller and walk with more peace in her heart because she knows she is worthy of the action and emotion I offer her.

And in all the ministry and projects and discernment and judgment that accompanies my life as a Missioner, if the only reply I get is to be introduced and clapped for and thanked like a mini-celebrity, then my heart fades a bit. But if my programs and sermons and systematic reform and training and mentoring are seeds that actully bring life or healing or the Holy Spirit more closely to another human being, then I will have received glory and thanks primarily from my god, not the world and The Accuser's ranting that i need a plaque and certificates to appreciate my own worth couldn't even be heard above the angel choir singing gods glory.

-- Note to Self: acknowledge deep within that the gratitude and appreciation of the world is STILL something of this world, but when your actions are a catalyst for spiritual growth and renewal, then god fills your heart with more power and grace than any recognition dinner ever could.

A Sioux prayer

2009-08-05T07:21:00.001-07:00

Printed in 1958 in Los Angeles newspapers to observe a World Day of Prayer

O great spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds,
And whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.
I come before you, one of your many children.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty andmake my eyes
Ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
My ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may know the things you
Have taught my people, the lesson you have
Hidden in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength, not to be superior to my brothers,
But to be able to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you with clean hands
And straight eyes, so when life fades as a fading sunset,
My spirit will one to you without shame

-- Note to Self: speechless. And humbled.

Getting things done

2009-08-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

Our life in the church is governed by one law: love. Love Your god with all your heart, love your neighbor as yourself. Love. Period.
But, when in the course of human events, those with power or charisma or education come to places of power carrying their demons and weakness into that seat, we lose sight of the law of love. Those of us who work with everything we've got to keep that guide at front want to scream for them to remove ther craniums from their rectums, but I guess we all need a specialist sometimes to tell us what our granma's told us for free.
So what do we do? We see the tires spinning, we see lots of talk and little action, we see the least in our communities neglected because those with the most would rather talk their own lingo than get their hands dirty. What do we do?
We retreat unto him who made himself least. We revisit the teachings of him who called us to serve. We refocus on Christ and his gospel of love. Anything, anything else is something developed from this world...strategic plans, listening sessions, focus groups summits...throw it out the dang window, save yourself some heartache, and just listen to christ.
It's the only way you'll ever get things done.

-- Note to Self: stop trying to manage the whole damn world with your newfangled ideas...sit down with The Book and listen for once!

Security

2009-08-03T10:56:00.001-07:00

We all need some kind of security. Wether we're in a different culture, down the street, or in our own house, I think security is something necessary to happiness.
I've been trying to get maintenance done on the Volvo for a week, and it's been a domino effect of problems one after the next. And suddenly, the only thing I own down here is bringing me a sense of insecurity where before it brought freedom.
So what brings security in your life? A significant other? A home, car? Memory?
I'm sitting here in the caribbean and feeling my security (all ready low) drift lower because of a car? Seriously??! Oh me of little faith!! Time to figure out what is going on and readjust some priorities...I got lots of battles to fight and there is no way a material thing should give me grief.

-- Note to Self: find ways to give myself security that doesn't rely on worldly, breakable things. Give to Ceasar what is his and give to God what is his, simple and true. Because the more faith I put into the powers of this world, the more pain I can feel down the road.

Ups and downs

2009-07-18T09:33:00.000-07:00

Life has a strange way of leading you on a roller coaster. One day, everything is swimming along fine and easy, the next day you're slack-jawed wondering what in the world just happened and why have all the rules suddenly flip flopped.
God calls each of us to walk a journey. A journey with twists and choices and stops and sprints. Our job is not to understand the "why's" of the journey, or to try and plan out our own version of things that makes God's plan obsolete. Our job is to let the occurances and trials of today and yesterday be the testing ground whereby we can go deep into the truest parts of ourselves. It's an inward journey, not external.
I think this is the root of unhappiness and depression and anxiety...that we focus too much on conquering the world in our name and lose track of the real meaning of life: to discover ourselves and grow from what we find. If you work your tail off to build a flash house with bells and gold and marble, and a hurricane comes and tears it to pieces, are you devastated? Why? But if your house is not built of wood and stone, but of experiences, memories, and friends, then no storm of any size can tear it down.
Jesus said, build your treasure in heaven (the spirit) and not on earth (the body).

-- Note to self: get rid of everything I don't need to survive...let God provide the things necessary to thrive.

Getting Deep

2009-05-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here are some steps ot self hypnosis: fun stuff, and works, too. Try it and let me know what happens?

Close your eyes and take 10 slow deep breaths – in through the nose, and out through the mouth. Say to yourself the word ‘Relax’ on each out breath.
Imagine yourself at the top of 10 steps, with a door at the bottom. With every slow step you take down, feel yourself becoming deeper and deeper relaxed.
When you get to the bottom open the door to your ideal place of relaxation. It could be a beach, a garden, anywhere. It could be somewhere real, or imagined – your own uniquely special relaxing haven.
Use as many senses as you can. Take a good look around. Pause and listen to any sounds. Perhaps you can hear the call of a bird, or the breeze gently blowing. Perhaps you can smell the sweet scent of flowers, or the salt in the sea? Touch objects, and make the experience as real as you possibly can.
Explore your relaxing haven, and enjoy it for as long as you wish.

Want to make God laugh? tell her your future plans...

2009-04-30T07:58:00.000-07:00

It is so funny to me that we live in a world so full of strategic plans, life goals, measurable outcomes, tests, and performance anxiety. Why can't we just get it that if we were to stop and listen to the still small voice within that we would have all the guidance and acceptance we need?
Don't get me wrong here, i am a man of action...i have had to learn to make plans, and plan options, and i like being able to come into the office, write up my to do list for the day, and look at the end of work to see what i've been able to check off. Not having an idea and a direction can drive me nuts. Maybe it does you too, so here is a holy trinity of letting God direct your decision and planning:
1. Forget goals. Long term (NOT short term) goals are a quicksand pit to me. When you set big global goals and for one reason or another can't meet them, then you're worse than you started from...you judge yourself and the world around you because of the failure. So focus on the next week, the next month, and at the very most, ask yourself where you want to be a year from now. Everything else is setting up for failure.
2. become a list person. When we try to keep the actions and needs in our lives confined to our head, we lose and forget things, or get overwhelmed by the enormous amount of projects and chores to do. So write it down! Make it a sacramental act of the inward change that you are clearing out these lists and dreams and nightmares to make room for the divine.
3. Talk to God. Converse with God. People who ask me about how i pray are appalled sometimes at the tone i use and the words i hear back from within during prayer time. The whole concept started with a book called "Conversations with God" where this guy started writing a letter to God to vent and complain about everything, and suddenly realized that answers to his questions were coming to him when he just wrote in stream of consciousness. Start with this kind of process. Write down a prayer to God, then write the first thing that comes to your mind. Eventually, you'll see the difference between God speaking and your own ego. And eventually, you'll leave the paper behind for a true inward dialogue with God. trust this...if we believe that through Christ we have a loving and creative relationship with God, then just blathering about a litany of "Good Lord, help me to (insert request here)" is really insulting to the Gospel message and Christ's work.

try these three. Maybe you'll begin to get less anxious, laugh more, relax more fully, and get yourself out of your own way because you've just made conscious effort to reunite with your creator, who knows you better than anyone, and who knew every strength and fault in your character and soul before you even took your first breath...

Shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow us half sorrow.

2009-04-22T10:11:00.001-07:00

I get questions all the time about relationships from teens and peers. How you do you know it's right? What to do when you realize you've given to much of yourself, and your partner is still entrenched in their defensive walls? What happens when you can see a person for who they are deep down insIde, but the masks they wear hide that person more than you wish? Here's some thought:
1. God is one of creation. With words, creation was spoken into existence. With action though Christ, we have a continual connection to redemption and forgiveness with faith even as small as a grain of sand. And with our thoughts, we have the power to change our lives and the lives around us. When a relationship does not create new life within you, or when a relationship consistently (because there are those days) beats you down or saps your energy, then you know it's not of God. An incredibly simple concept, but one tough as nails to follow through on.
2. A relationship builds you up. It makes you grow, even the unhealthy ones (eventually). Most importantly, relationships from God are ones that help you reconnect with a deeper understanding of yourself and knowledge of who you are. When you try to become something you're not, or change who you are for any reason than personal growth as YOUR choice, then you have abandoned your true self, and become something other than what God has made you to be...you are creating a false image, a false identity, and it will catch up to you.
3. We all wear masks, and we all carry the burden of memory and history. Taking time to help someone heal their pain is a noble thing, but in a friendship or romantic partnership, I have seen that the only way to be truly healthy is when two people come to together to mutually heal each other. One person should not be the catalyst for health and change by themselves- that's what counselors and spiritual directors are for- but together, equally balanced, a true relationship will cause both parties to grow stronger and happier and more honest (as a couple and individally). Don't get me wrong, there are days when one must lean on the other, but neither should be a crutch.

God based relationships, whether personal, professional, or romantic should be ones that create new life in the people involved. Conflict is unavoidable, but even in conflict or the aftermath of it, a person should be able to say, "that made me a better man/woman."

If not, then maybe the relationship was not intended for the purpose you are putting it to, and it's time to take a hard look at how this can be changed to reflect the divine's hope of reconciling each us to him(her) self.

-- note to self: remember that life is given and taken away. What has been, is now, and will be again. The relationships I hold close to my heart should be ones that help me fulfill my destiny, or create my own...if they break me down just to break me down, then maybe I need to readjust my boundaries.

"I'm sorry" -the hard lesson

2009-04-17T21:35:00.001-07:00

I get jabbed by those who know me a little better for saying I'm sorry so much. I don't seem to remember being so apologetic about everything in previous parts of my life. Even though i try to live by by the addage "better to ask forgiveness than permission," that doesn't seem to explain it here either.
So I thought about it, a lot, and what I came up with saddened me a bit.
I am a reactive person who reads body language and inflection almost to a fault, which comes from a lifetime of working with teenagers who either can't or won't express themselves fully. I am also a person who had enjoyed learning of other cultures and being taught different ways of looking at our world.
In my past experiences: in New Zealand, Mexico, the UK, even Russia, when I didn't know something about the local culture I just asked...people knew I hadn't grown up there, they wanted to share their culture and lifestyle, they (at least to my perspective) saw my ingorance and attempt to learn as a positive step, and typically responded by setting the record straight.
But in the Islands, in my short time here, the reply is typically just plain harsh. People can be so quick to point out that I don't know the culture and leave it at that, with a look if triumph on their face. I find myself apologizing for my ignorance more than learning how to honor and respect this different way of being. And it has created a slight paranoia that much of what I do will always garner that kind of response...so I've come to apologize quicker and for things that don't seem to make sense to apologize for...

-- note to self: I have got to give people the benefit of doubt. Just because my first days on island and emmersion in this culture garnered a certain response, doesn't mean that everyone will respond that way. And by assuming they WILL react harshly is just a shallow judgement on my part based only on history, not the moment and the person in front of me.

translate THIS into church life, will ya?

2009-04-14T11:45:00.001-07:00

A preacher and an atheistic barber were once walking through the city slums. Said the barber to the preacher: "This is why I cannot believe in a God of love. If God was as kind as you say, He would not permit all this poverty, disease, and squalor. He would not allow these poor bums to be addicted to dope and other character-destroying habits. No, I cannot believe in a God who permits these things."
The minister was silent until they met a man who was especially unkempt and filthy. His hair was hanging down his neck and he had a half-inch of stubble on his face. Said the minister: "You must not be a very good barber because you wouldn't permit a man like that to continue living in this neighborhood without a haircut and shave." Indignantly the barber answered: "Why blame me for that man's condition? I can't help it that he is like that. He has never come in my shop; I could fix him up and make him look like a gentleman!"
Giving the barber a penetrating look, the minister said: "Then don't blame God for allowing the people to continue in their evil ways, when He is constantly inviting them to come and be saved."

From: a salty piece of land: one amazing book!

2009-04-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

I experienced a bit of long-overdue silence, and what came to me was this: Life is, and always has been, a struggle. The fishing pole bends heavier for some than others, and nobody has yet to figure out why-just as you never know, when you make a cast, if what attacks your fly is a finger sized baby snapper or a tiger shark that can turn you into bait. Still, we struggle with the rod just the same. Life to me is like a fish on a line. When it is there, you feel it. You fight it. You gain line. You lose line. But if that line suddenly snaps, or the pole breaks, or a thousand other problems occur that fishermen use as excuses when the tension is gone, you feel it even more.
Jimmy buffet

Blessings

2009-04-09T15:28:00.000-07:00

I spent a lot of time these past two weeks thinking about life here in the islands. Going home where friends and family and all things familiar can really make you wonder if you are where you're supposed to be.
But then I got off the plane.
I met robby and lyndsay, who were on island for the first time, didn't know where they could stay or where to start with their little vacation. I took them to the camp ground at Magens bay, told them the basics, and gave them my number in case they needed someone. I hadn't even re-hydrated and I was already knee deep in ministry.
Then I had one of the most amazing evenings with one of my friends here, and can only describe it as magical.
But it didn't end...today was a day of teaching and counseling and being there for some of the All Saints students.
I hadn't even been here 24 hours, and I saw god working through me constantly. It was a gift beyond gratitude.

-- note to self: regardless of what I think I want or should have, there is a plan bigger than me, if I only take the time to look for it: wether it comes in talking pillars of fire, or a ten minute conversation with a random person on the street.

When life catches up to you

2009-04-07T08:24:00.001-07:00

This entry was written yesterday, my last on my spring break to WV

It's never an easy thing to see your parents aging. I'm sitting here in an emergency room, have been here for a couple hours while my dad lays on a bed and doctors can't seem to get their act together enough to figure out why he's in such pain. We thought it was kidney stones, something he's dealt with before, but it seems that is not the case.

So in moments like this, where your faith is tested and you scream out to God to please help this man find some peace and health...where the constant beeping and alarms of the emergency room remind you of your own mortality...it's moments like these that life jus seems to catch up to you with a ten ton weight and drops you in the drink for a bit.

-- note to self: never take for granted the life you have or the people you have in it. One minute they are the strongest, indestructable people in existence, and the next they might be leaning on you for support. Both roles are equally important.

Roots and wings

2009-04-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this from the high school auditorium of the school I graduated from 13 years ago. It's strange...it's nostalgic...it's strange, haha.
I am a strong beleiver that a person cannot know where they're going until they accept where they're from. As I sit in the very place that helped me develop a love for music, a talent for art, and a need to meet and greet people constantly, I'm also reminded of how much I wanted to get out of this valley. That at the time, every thing in my life as focused on rising above my culture (as I saw it) and moving on to "bigger and better things."
But now, as I sit here, basking in the memories of musicals, madrigal dinners, choir concerts, football practices, and a near never-ending list of old thoughts, I have to wonder how many of us look at our home culture and environment with distaste instead of pride...something we need to conquer instead of steward...a place to leave behind instead of a place to invest in.

-- note to self: culture cannot truly be defined as better or worse...only different. Take who you are close to your heart and rejoice in it, and never judge where you come from by the standards of where you are right now...even if they're the same place!

Perspective

2009-04-02T13:29:00.001-07:00

Each person on this planet have their own idea of what the pace should be. One persons gentle stroll is another's sprint. One person who can love completely by their perspective might seem closed off to another.
But the root of mission work, maybe even the root of all ministry and even love (I believe) is the ability to see the world through another person's perspective. There are no fancy techniques, there isn't a class you can take, and there is definately no chance that a lightning bolt fix will enable you to suddenly "get" someone else's point of view.
But the opportunity to place this tool firmly in your arsenal comes as simply as taking the chance to try using it. Sometimes, like I did as close as last night, you completely misread a person's perspective. Other times, you can nail it dead on and not only reach them "where they are," but discover that we really aren't that different. You see that different persoectives show you a universal truth: that we all have fear and pain that we each uniquely carry, and by humbling ourselves to someone else's perspective and life can we truly use Christ as a role model, and change our lives.

-- Rolling with the iPhone

What is love?

2009-03-19T13:29:00.001-07:00

Is it the willingness to give up your creature comforts so another may live?
Is it the smile on my face every time you call or write?
Is it chemical? With the shortened breath and anxious stomach of the fairy tales?
Is it sacrificing your time and skills for another without a second thought?
Is it giving what knowledge and wisdom you have freely, so no one may ever be called ignorant?
Is it the thing that inspires music and art and dance?
Or the motivation to make yourself a better person simply because you want to be better for their sake?
Or never giving up hope, even when the bills stack up, you haven't slept in a week, and the kids are crying...keeping hope that together, you can get through everything?

What do you think it is?

-- Rolling with the iPhone

When balance beats you up

2009-03-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

So today was this amazing day. Bob Marley and R Kelley in chapel, students passionately talking about changing their island and needing better role models, and some powerful spoken prayer time made for a literally spine tingling worship service.
But aferwards, I relearned a lesson about how God is one of balance. Balance has been a theme in my personal spiritual formation, knowing that for every action there is equal, opposite reaction. Karma is not an eastern philosophy to me, but a very prominent and sometimes ironic part of the Gospel message. But today it tried to grind me up.
I realized that I was getting in the way of the Spirit at chapel services...talking too much, worrying about the music and activities to the point that i was losing energy about the whole thing. Today, however, as I sat in the office this morning, I put my head down and gave up.
"you know, father, I'm doing this the wrong way."
"I know you are...but you do it so beautifully well!"
"thanks, but the thing today is that I don't even want you to tell me what to do. I want to get out of the way and let you do your cosmic thing. I'm at your complete disposal."
"well then meson, let's rock and roll"

And we did! It was amazing, miraculous in many ways. And completely grace-full that we were talking about redemption and being born again...huh.

But then came the "after conversation."
The only wrinkle-free shirt I had was a Steelers polo. (stop laughing friends, I CAN use an iron, I just...don't?) I was talking with a group of students outside and the conversation quickly turned into Steeler bashing. It was fun at first, me defending the blue collar boys, but I realized that i was really getting beat down by this conversation! I ended up just walking away, wondering why these young men and women were cranking on me and I was so up-ended over the thing.

Later two things dawned on me:
1. Dark and evil things don't like it when you give yourself up like we all did in church today, and will strike out when you least expect it.
2. It wasn't about the football team to me, it was about home. They were ripping on a symbol of my home, and I was clueless to prepare for it. (see number one?)

So, note to self:
When you let God in completely, things WILL go right, just not according to YOUR plan. But when you to that, don't hate the world when you suddenly find yourself backed into a corner and fighting for air. Because the closer we get to the light, the deeper our shadow becomes...

Born again?

2009-03-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

I just finished sleeping for three days. I was THAT sick.
I wish I were exaggerating, and most of you who know me will probably think, "ha! that man ALWAYS exaggerates!"
Three days. No joke here...
I know i spent most of my waking hours doing one of two things:
1. Trying to eat
2. Talking to my newest friend on the phone

So i'm just putting it all together...three days of rest, new relationships, and our steady and constant push toward Easter. How does it preach?

This week at the Cathedral, we'll be talking about being born again, about how it is a steady process, about how it is NOT a once in a lifetime thing. And we'll be talking about how to redesign ourselves each and every day.

It is simply amazing what you'll see about yourself once you get some perspective and take a step back. I found out how i'm hiding and running away from myself in order to maintain a defensive reality here in the islands. Maybe you'll find a way to be reborn...to take three days of rest or retreat to gain some perspective, and figure out how best to come back into the mix and renew your walk towards Easter's empty cross.

I REALLY miss New Zealand...

2009-03-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

EDVI meeting series

2009-03-10T14:24:00.001-07:00

I don't spend as much time in meetings here as i did in southern ohio...i'm usually on the street or running the meeting, so for those of you who are used to the regular update of doodles from my time "in session," here's something to satisfy the old standards.

See this? THIS is my smile!

2009-03-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

there are times in your life when you know without a doubt that that the magnificence and might of God himself has just manifested in front of you, smacked you a couple times across the cheek, blew a raspberry, and left you panting for breath and reaching deeper within yourself to attain new heights. At diocesan convention, those moments were:
1. watching the clergy of this diocese truly become a team
2. seeing one man kneel before another to seek closure and reconciliation
3. being present while bishop gumbs took this diocese to a new height and a new way of living together
4. running my first "international" youth event!
5. forming the youth of DYE 2009 into a group that counted each other as friends
6. morning worship that challenged the status quo and let young men and women move to a solid beat in church.
7. getting through it all...and only being tired. not burnt, frustrated, or negative!

Now we get to start rebuilding. more on that later, but for now, it's rest, regrouping, organizing, and taking a deep breath to be ready for the next steps...

WOW squared...

2009-02-20T11:09:00.000-08:00

Just rediscovered this...my theme for this week

2009-02-19T09:26:00.000-08:00

John 16:33:
"These thing i have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage! ...I have overcome the world."

nice...

WOW

2009-02-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

it's been soo very long since i posted here, and need to get back into the habit.
THIS WEEK at All Saints School, we talked about what happens when there is a need going on around you, but you just aren't ready to meet it. What do you need to change about yourself, your community, your future?

When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine."
"Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come."
His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

we also split up by sexes, since there is an obvious undertone here between Jesus and his mom. So when you look around you, where in your life is someone saying, "HEY, if you don't help with a miracle, this 'party' is gonna die!"

even jesus wasn't ready...so it's ok for us to be a little creeped out by the call to ministry, but if we hide our heads in the sand, sit and spin, and watch the world go by, our lives will have meant nothing but a testament to our own selfishness and kingdon building.

"Do whatever he tells you"

teenagers

2009-01-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

if you've ever wondered why you don't or can't work with teenagers, here are some lessons taught to me by my friends and students at All Saint's Cathedral School. Maybe they might be helpful in finding the wall keeping you from formation ministries:
1. Teenagers are bluntly honest 90% of the time (wouldn't life be different if adults operated this way?)
2. Teenagers don't hide their judgments (like adults do, for the sake, they say, of politeness)
3. Teenagers make decisions based on emotions they feel, not logic they think.
4. Teenagers are constantly moving. If you can't keep up, then you're out of the game and ancient history.
5. teenagers will never respect your military, "respect me or else" attitude. You must GIVE respect to get it. This applies to standards, rules, and work ethic. As Ghandi put it: You MUST BE the change you wish to see in the world. Take this attitude and apply to issues of race, gender, orientation...and maybe there might be an answer there for us older people.

And i pray to god that i never run out of the desire to walk along side a teenager and student, if just for a little while.

The gift of sabbath

2009-01-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my professional career, i took a vacation "because i was tired." I wasn't frustrated, i wasn't angry, or burnt out...i was just tired.

It was amazing.

Not only because i was able for the first time to honor sabbath, but also because even in the midst of the violence on my street, the angst that flows through the virgin islands, and the challenges faced by a Bishop trying to bring a new vision to an old diocese, i am here only because god called me to be here.

I took a break because it was time for a break from a real call and to become refreshed for my next round of challenges and work.

Today? I was teaching at All Saints School all day. back in the saddle, making plans, and planning trips for the powerhouse visitors i hope to bring here from across the country. and trips to take powerhouse ministers from the virgin islands to let the rest of the country see them.

It was amazing. I miss my family and friends already, but know that without them, i wouldn't be able to be here anyway.

Transitions

2008-12-18T07:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i cleaned my house and packed up what little worldly posessions i have (about three medium sized boxes) right up until the moment i decided to take a break...and passed out for an hour.

Today, i was able to move an apartment's worth of free furniture into a house i am able to live in because of the church's generosity and my (hopefully) hard work.

Tomorrow, i fly through Puerto Rico to Boston, and then to Pittsburgh to be re-united with my family.

How quickly life can change in the matter of three days.

balancing hope and fear

2008-12-10T05:32:00.001-08:00

When you look at this picture, you can't help but think about things like peace, life, wind, open oceans, etc. I am trying so desperately to keep my focus on these concepts and keep them away from the other side of life here in the islands. I know more about betrayal than i do support. I know more about political warfare than i do cooperation. I know more about anger than i do joy.

Why do people in the church treat each other this way?
Why do they sabotage any forward progress, just because it's not forward progress in the direction they would like to go?

And how do i fit into this mess as a minister?

life after gunshots

2008-12-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

i was eating a cheeseburger yesterday, and the back door of the truck fell open. I jumped out of my seat.
I was driving through Charlotte Amalia when a car backfired. I almost wrecked while trying to duck and cover.
Someone slammed a door in diocesan house. I almost peed myself.

This is what happens when you're nerves are shot from living in a neighborhood of constant violence and gunfights. Of backyard dogfights, cat screams, rats, garbage, and dirt. I'm so done with garden street, and so done with people thinking that because i live in the caribbean that live is always sunny and i have nothing to complain about.

It's raining outside.
A nice guy was almost killed this sunday.
...and you can bet there'll be payback once he gets out of the hospital...

i gotta get outa here.

the secret to change

2008-11-19T06:21:00.000-08:00

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

bulletin posting from St. Andrfew's Church last Sunday

2008-11-18T11:07:00.000-08:00

Role Models.

This last Tuesday, we elected a role model to the White House, maybe the first Role Model to be elected in a very long time. Despite the issues facing our country and the hot button topics of the economy, war, and health care, I have found it incredibly comforting when listening to youth throughout the nation that they were more impressed by WHO Barack Obama IS, not simply how he speaks or his proposed agenda. We as a country have stood up and cried out for change. Saying that we need the best people to lead us, and the old prejudices will not hold us back. We chose our next Role Model, not simply someone who gives us the answers we want to hear.

So how can we here at St. Andrew's gather around that rally cry? How can we follow the leading of the Spirit into this new age? How can each of us commit further to the hope and change espoused in the recent Presidential race?

Each of us, no doubt, has our own answer, but today i'd like to ask you to consider following Christ's example and committing to leading by your actions and your deeds so that our most precious resource may see you and have hope for themselves and our combined future. You see, the most prevalent issue facing the youth of this territory (as it has been voiced to me by many of you) is that of the lack of Role Models. We critize that parents aren't parenting anymore. Our young men are killing each other in the street. Here at St. Andrew's, it's hard to excite people to become AYO sponsors, or volunteer for others of the numerous ministries happening on First Avenue.

When we look back on this exciting time in our lives, will we be able to say we have followed our President-Elect with "Yes we can!" echoing from our lips, or will we look back in sorrow at how the Islands have changed for the worse, while we sat and shook our heads wondering what we could have done to build a better and stronger community in which our children can become Role Models themselves. Mahatma Ghandi is credited with saying, "YOU must be the change you wish to see in the world."
If you are not comfortable letting our youth raise themselves, or if you are not willing to let this post-Christian world show them how greed, self devaluation, and materialism are their new golden rules, then stand up, become a mentor, and change your future by loving our youth in the name of Christ. Can we make this territory better for them? Yes we can.

View from my porch

2008-11-02T11:39:00.001-08:00

night time on virgin gorda

2008-10-23T11:36:00.000-07:00

finally!

2008-10-22T14:07:00.000-07:00

i'll start posting pictures taken while in the islands and some artwork as well...first up? Charlotte Amalie..

Team Building

2008-10-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

I have been asked for my process to building teams, and here is the agenda for an initial team building consultation. Games in bold can be googled for their rules. This process was used with outstanding results at St. Mary's school faculty professional development day Oct 21 on Virgin Gorda, BVI

Openers:
Speed Rabbit: silly game to laugh at each other. Person in the middle tells us about themselves.
Mirroring: a good and safe game to foster connection and pay attention to each other
Stop me: line up shoulder to shoulder in two lines, facing each other and about 15 ft apart. One side closes their eyes, the other silently sneaks towards them until the closed eyes hold up hands and say "stop." Discuss the observations.

Discussion: (questions tailored to situation and environment, use the respect communication guidelines)
Why do you do what you do? (teach, preach, minister, play, etc.)
How did you get here to this program, job, position, etc.?
When the career is over and you are on your deathbed looking back over your life, what do you hope to have accomplished in this work?

Changing direction: write on index cards three assets or skill sets you have that could be utilized for the better by one of your co-workers or peers. Then we trade these off, making deals and agreeing to offer ourselves to the other in some way, thus making a covenant of support to each other over the coming months.

Putting it together: (or google "team building games, initiatives" to find new ones)
Human Knot
Alphabet soup
Four Quad

Closing questions:
What did we learn from today?
What are the strengths of our team?
What are three ways our team can improve how we work with each other?

Love is the Answer

2008-10-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

The only way to bring healing to a situation is reconciliation and renewal
The only way to move forward is to step back and see the big picture
The only way to conquer an enemy is to befriend them
The only way to gain power is to give it away
The only way to create a new consciousness is to acknowledge that we are imperfect and must deal with our past decisions, make amends, and talk things through.

I am beginning to understand my role as a negotiator.
I am beginning to understand my role as a healer.
God help me to keep my head above the waters of pain and frustration, so i may be a positive change agent.

Blessed Complicated beauty

2008-10-17T07:13:00.000-07:00

one day i think i'm exactly where i need to be, another day, i'm completely clueless.
Being completely accepted balances utter isolation.
Feeling love balances the acceptance of the slap in my face by old flames.
Being in the presence of God almighty is no comparison to fighting the demons that follow life in the ghetto.
I hate cockroaches.
No one should be left alone in a hurricane...ever!
How much love to i honestly have to offer?
Am i supposed to be here? Do i have something to offer? How can i possibly understand the implications of a life spent in service?

trial by fire

2008-10-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

I have had two jobs my adult life. In both of which, i have been described as "hitting the ground running." Well, now it's a bit much...

Hurricane Omar is heading our way. Straight up my road, practically. It is deathly quiet here, no birds, no insects, just the rain, and dark ominous clouds on the horizon. I'm a little scared, but mostly excited. Tonight will a test of just how much i "love" thunderstorms...

Pray for us, I hope we stay dry...

finding God in the islands

2008-10-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

It’s only when you look for God
He pops behind a tree
Look away and he’ll be there

The mound of work is piling up. Projects lay half finished everywhere, and more on the way. My motto in this ministry is "consistent and steady pressure." If i keep working, if i keep focused, then amazing things are bound to happen. And they do! An entire deanery committed to this new communication scheme, my personal life falling together in rhythm.

are you wishing for God to speak to you? Are you hoping for the answers to form in front of you? Do you wish that the end would be in sight?

Then stop looking so hard.
He'll be there when you stop demanding him to be there...

One Week! Losing my touch...

2008-10-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe i let this slip for an entire week! So sorry. Here's a bullet point of what has been up, because it's been eventful, for sure:
1. I researched and outlined a program for teaching people to teach. Essentially, it is a summation of the major points of my own education training, plus some pieces i worked along the way. I'm turning it into a presentation and activity-based program, to be delivered in two 2 hour sessions. Phew! Talk about a big deal...
2. but that wasn't enough! I also researched the outline for a mentor-based program to help with adults who are willing to work with teenagers. Yep, i am always the overachiever...
3. We had a GREAT time at AYO! I think we're looking at a fellowship and outreach group, but it's just "work" getting those kids to talk...
4. I found my way through to Magen's bay beach with a friend and her two kids. It was a couple of hours of bliss...and now i know how to get there, so it's completely golden.
5. Spent a 12 hour day yesterday, and a total of 4 church services! Well, three and half, i guess. Three at St. Andrew's, and an AMAZING healing service at the cathedral.
6. Finally finished painting my room her at Domini House, it looks stunning. I can't wait til it's settled enough to move in.
More wisdom this week, i believe, and a full day at the office tomorrow. Also, St. Andrew's vestry meets tomorrow where we're presenting our proposed changes to Youth Committee, and input from the teens.

PHEW! and most people come to the islands to relax! HA!
Love you all

im a moment, your perception can change

2008-10-07T10:28:00.001-07:00

I received this letter from Bishop Tom Breidenthal in Southern Ohio. Every time I read it, I am shown how much a simple word of kindness and support can literally change a person's life:

Roger,
It’s great to hear from you. Sounds like you’re doing everything right. Please know you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers here [in Southern Ohio]. I want you to know that, because I can well imagine how lonely and out of the way you may feel. You are doing important work (systemic, not just reactive), and I’m proud of you.

+Tom

Wow. Try to write a letter like this to someone today, and see what happens to your Karma...

turning a corner...again

2008-10-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

When you're in church work, EVERY plan is the same plan...listen. Listen to the people, listen to the spirit, listen to your heart. And although i'm still in the midst of that process with multiple projects here in the Islands, i am moving forward with two very big and most recent ones:
1. St. Mary's, Virign Gorda. It looks like i'll be heading back ot the UK at the end of October (I had originally hoped to do this at the beginning of october, but we plan, and God laughs) . I'll spend the weekend there, and will run 4 workshops on Saturday, Nov 1. They are: 1)Acolyte training all morning 2) Technology and ministry 3) Adults who work with youth training and 4) worship design. Then i'll stayu over and come back to st thomas sunday. Tentative, of course, pending blessing by Canons and Bishops.
2. St. Andrew's with a program sized church list of things to do, St. Andrew's has possibly been one of the biggest challenegs i've faced in a long time. BUT we've come one step closer ot a plan of action, and i have now put together the backbone of what's happening the next couple weeks: 1) Meet with Youth Committee tomorrow night, find out "what's up" and figure out a way to streamline communication amongst 5 million youth programs at St. Andrew's. 2) meet with AYO (anglican Youth organization) friday night and run the meeting myself as a design team leader figuring out what our purpose and goals are...i have a feeling it might JUST become a new outreach ministry, based on conversatios so far, but who knows? 3) hang out with the AYO long enough so that they can live into this new way of being by themselves, and empower as many people as possible to take EQUAL responsibility. 4) Get the St. Andrew's adults and teacher together for a dinner or social time to try and get them becoming friends. 5) develop a training program to help sunday school teachers develop some teaching skills and techniques. and finally 6) hang around in the background long enough to make sure it's all working, then disappear into the wind mysteriously to begin work at the next congregatio Bishop Gumbs has for me.
Easy, right?
**Prays**

Been too long!

2008-10-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

Busy week...busy. Freakin. Week. Lots of good stuff though, here's are some lessons for you (and me):
1. Who knows how you will be respected by the clergy of an Episcopal School's chapel when you sympathize with the 100+ teenagers "who don't want to be in church!" Who knows? We'll see, i just hope the gentlemen take it easy on me. BUT...if worship doesn't appeal to you, doesn't drive you deeper into the spiritual world, or doesn't challenge your perception of the world, then why go? These poor kids are bored stiff...everywhere i go....i think I'M bored stiff...huh...
2. When will someone come along to save us from ourselves? We are so polite and so hidden away that it is somewhat impossible to talk truly and honestly. If we're lucky, someone will come along who challenges our belief system and we will do one of two things: 1) react defensively at this idiot who is taking away our safety. 2) open up a wellspring of unspoken words that need to be dealt with, regardless of whether they're ugly or beautiful, and lay our lives at the foot of that cross for god to save us because we're so messed up. Surrender to your vulnerability... there is no need to be so tough that it drives others away.
3. Respect is easiest earned by busting your hiney. If you work hard and honestly and don't care who the hell sees you, then respect will come with time. 'nuff said on that.

I'm off to become a parish youth worker again (giddy smiles) and see what i can do with a youth program in a couple months...pray for me to know when to balance and when to say no to people.

When you've got it, you've...got it...right?

2008-09-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

A bustling hive of activity. A chaotic community center. A program sized church who it trying to figure out how to be something "else." All of these fit the bill for St. Andrew's church on St. Thomas. I spent the weekend with my friend Lenroy Cabey and the parishioners of St. Andrew's.
So here's a church that has a split personality...between, "We do pretty well here, " and "We could be doing better here."
It's a healthy place, the way churches go, and there's some good points to their life that my skill sets and experience might be able to help with. More on that later. But what did i learn from St. Andrew's that is a positive influence on me? How about how it's kind of cool to be the only light skinned person in town, because everyone can recognize you and say hello? Or that the real way to move forward in ministry to the people of the Church is to manage the growth and death process of projects.
If you start a project with your own needs in mind as a priority, then you've just created something that is so close to you it can run the risk of BECOMING your identity. Which also means that the project or program is tied so closely to you that it NEEDS YOU to run it. What happens if you leave? Get burnt out? upset the Rector? Tic off the wrong mom? It's not you that suffers the most, its the collected souls involved in your program that you didn't think of.
So when you grow a program, itis not enough to think of simply "how to grow it," but you must also think of "how to kill your involvement with it." Do you train others to run this thing with you? Do you create a team of people that run it with seamless authority across multiple persons? Do you do a third option that doesn't come to mind right now...
Growth and Death...we are a resurrection people...birth and rebirth are "supposed" to be the thing that sets us apart...where our hope rests, and in which knowledge we find peace. But instead o fliving this life, we grab and stranglehold things until we or it becomes ineffective. God help me plant a new church ideal amongst the youth workers of St. Andrew's, because they deserve it.
here are some projects i'd like ot take at St. Andrew's, once i've cleared them with Fr. Cabey:
4. Does the after school program truly reflect the needs of the community? If not (which seems to be truth) what can we do to make it THE place to hang out after school?
3. Training for church school teachers (and other adult sponsors), who aren't trained teachers, and don't seem to be mentoring their students..rather they are just talking to them.
2. Anglican youth organization - does it refelct the needs of the teenagers @ St. Andrew's, or is justa model based on the best experience of the adults?
1. Social Justice Ministries. To get the teens thinking about serving the community in real ways, teaching people to fish...not just giving them fish to eat.

Works cut out for me, eh?

What a hard day

2008-09-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

My Friends, let there be no doubt that when the Divine wishes you to learn a lesson, you will learn it one way or the other...and typically, because of our inherent egos, we must learn it the hard way. Yesterday was such a day.

Imagine you are getting ready to run a very important race...you've trained, prepared, and built the body necessary to run this race. You've collected resources, you've made the bargains, you've sacrificed time and energy for this race.
You wait all day long until the moment of the race, but when you show up and take your place, you realize that all the other runners are gone. The spectators are nowhere to be seen, and you're standing alone, wondering what was going on.

The lesson here? Do not place your hopes for satisfaction and acceptance on other people. Your ability to be welcomed and respected comes directly from your belief that God will welcome and accept you, no matter who you are surrounded by or what their attitude is. The more you hope for another person to acknowledge your worth, the less time you focus on acknowledging your OWN self worth, and thereby separate yourself from the peace and unity that is found in God.

Christ taught that we should not worry, that God would take care of us as God takes care of the sparrow and the lilies. I know that is impossibly hard to believe in and to follow on a daily basis, but the alternative extreme (which we so often live) is to surrender control to the whims of "them" (whoever "they" are) and letting other people control your emotions for you. Stand up for yourself by ensuring that you won't have to stand up for yourself...place yourself in a mindset where you can be proud of how you prepared for the race, and let go of the end results. In the end, serving God is about personal growth, because you are only as good a minister to others as you are to yourself.

Web Sites

2008-09-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

I promised that the era of multiple 12 hour days was done, but this week has proved me wrong. I feel like i haven't taken a break in weeks, but am getting things done, for sure!
The website is "just" ready for launch, and then i have to figure out wordpress well enough to give a blog site to 14 churches.
BUT...i can do all that without working 12 hours a day. We have this meeting of all clergy today, and i wanted so much to have this site live and ready to discuss at that, but it looks like my best laid plans and attempts are not going to happen. So the site will sit safe and sound on my hardrive a couple more days...bummer.
It seems the creator is bound and determined to force me to slow down to island pace, even in the business sense of things. I don't like that, i'm finding. I liked fast and furious, like some bad episode of the West Wing. But I'm getting the message, and doing my best. Thanks to anyone and everyone who prays for me and thinks of me, it can get pretty lonely in paradise. Don't forget that have an address for mail!

A brand New Way

2008-09-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

Many things came together this weekend: the National Church (thank you Douglas Fenton), the Diocese (thank you Bp Gumbs!) and my own resources pooled together to get me to Houston for a National Young Adult Conference, which was refreshing, empowering, surprising, and humbling. But rather than go long into it all, here's a simple top five list of the best parts of the weekend:
5. Being empowered for Young Adult ministry! It's so good to know the Diocese wants and needs this style of Ministry, i've been wanting so long to get something going...
4. meeting Miguelina Espinal (of PLSE) and seeing how that program and network might be vital to the community here in helping youth and young adults discern their christian vocation, not just find a high paying job (off island, no doubt)
3. meeting David Copley, who wants to lift up this arrangement and how Bp Gumbs, Bp Breidenthal (S OH) myself, and (with David's help) the National can work together to make long term mission placements healthier and more affordable for everyone. He thinks the National Church could help with ensuring my health insurance, a tender topic for me and one currently unresolved with the DVI.
2. meeting Lauren Woody, whose work in the D Atlanta is a model i think will work here, and I hope she might be a mentor to me about getting young adulty ministry going in the Islands. Great girl with amazing energy and a model that just might work on St. Thomas for sure...
1. Being affirmed in my call to theVirgin Islands. This isolation and lack of transportation has really been hard the last couple weeks, mostly because i'm impatient enough to want everything to set up "yesterday," BUT, talking with others who are or want to be doing real mission work with the church was so invigorating that I can't help but find some calm peace looking toward the upcoming months and years.

Other notable things from the weekend:
1. I have been out of the loop for the last day or so since my flight was canceled in Puerto Rico
2. Sorry! I don't apparently have voicemail capability with this new VI number...
3. I now have an internet connection at the Domini House, so if anyone wants a web cam chat...it's on!

I dare you to tell the truth...

2008-09-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

I was blessed this weekend with being able to go to the British Virgin Islands, or, as they say, "the only Virgin Islands!" for a weekend consultation and meetings. It started pretty slow, with a long leisurely ferry ride through Drake's passage among the islands, but wow did it pick up. God has a strange way or working the greatest healing in the hardest situations, and i think St. Mary's on Virgin Gorda is a prime example of that grace. Here's a church that (in my words, no offense meant) has been handicapped by their previous clergy. No one in church knows how to train acolytes. No one in church knows what to do with confirmation. Or how to provide a pastoral support to those in the community who are hurting. WHY?
...because our clergy sometimes let their ego's get in the way? Or maybe they believe they're being paid for this work, so they have to do their job by themselves...either way, it's a common problem in our church today (in no way is StMary's the exception...she's the rule)...lay people are reduced to participants in a show put on by priests (or bishops to be completely fair) and look to the clergy leadership to provide "everything i need for my spiritual well-being."
If you are a priest, wake up! Christ came here to fight against the boundary set up between God and her people by priests, remember? Empower, teach, enrich, make sure that life goes on and people are better for knowing you in the end. Don't try to build your kingdom with stone and endowments, build it with people's hearts.
And if you are a church goer, I DARE you to tell the truth about how your faith feels after being with your church community. Are you really fed? Do you hunger and thirst for the deep spiritual truth of your life, only to be satisfied with an hour or two on Sunday, sitting in a pew, watching a religious pageant?
Get up, take your mat, and go home, then
Otherwise, enjoy the show as we all watch our church die.
As for me, i'm throwing myself into St. Mary's and will hopefully give them something that means they won't need me, or anyone, to do these things for them.

Leaving the Country! New friends! Loving Thunderstorms!

2008-09-12T07:53:00.001-07:00

Top five of the VI (this week):
5. Hurricane season. I know, I know, I'm crazy, right? But here in the VI, we mostly getting these amazingly badass thunderstorms. Hands of lightning rip through the sky, warm rain you could take a shower in, and the smells afterward! I hope i never get so used to them that i stop smelling them.
4. Mofolie Hill. Home of the second rectory of our flagship parish, this spot is a slice of heaven (with a studio apartment involved..."wish!") Sitting on top of the island, overlooking Charlotte Amalie and high enough to see St. Croix lying in the water 40 some miles away. God, could i live there! Fr. Lenroy Cabey took me up when we went for a drive the other day. That guy is a great minister, and (i hope) a great friend.
3. Leaving the country to go to work. I'm heading to the UKVI today for a wekeend of meet and greet and 6:00am sunday service (ugh). But I can't wait to see this new part of the world.
2. Fruit. 'nuff said
1. Being wanted/needed for who I am and what i bring, not looking at me for the things i need to improve. I felt judged in Ohio most of the time. I feel needed here.

Next week, I hope to start posting more sketches and photos. along with updates to the work we're doing here.

Projects currently in process

2008-09-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

1. Ginny Burke and writing grants for technology, youth ministry, and hopefully after next weekend, young adult or campus ministry.
2. Training program for adult mentors (church school teachers, youth workers, big bros/sis)
3. Listening for the needs of local congregations
4. Personal space: designing Missioner House, Office.
5. The BIG news, though, is the website. I've got a diocesan calendar up and running, I am collecting info to create pages that serve the Diocese, not just report on the Diocese, and this new homepage layout, which relaxes me just looking at it(click for a full size version, and please leave comments about its design):

Live free or die?

2008-09-11T06:31:00.001-07:00

SO many time in the world today, we realize there is an injustice in out there and seek to correct it. Yesterday, I spent the day with Fr. Lenroy Cabey, who described such a passion for moving the church forward, upward, and outward. The day started with a foundation's presentation of new demographic material outlining the realities of Children and families in the Territory. Then we drove up Mofolie hill to St. Andrew's second rectory, an amazing place overlooking the island with a couple apartments, and just an amazing place. Then we drove out to the west end of Island, a gorgeous, rural, forested place.
Along the same vein as Fr. Cabey is the message i got from my mother that she's fighting to not only keep her home church open, but to "secede" from the local cluster ministry, making the church it's own entity again.
How much of our motivation to fight for what's right and to battle injustice is inspired by being angered by a situation's perceived darkness? How many decisions are made based on some level of anger, for that matter? The guy who used ot manage the website sent me a letter yesterday wanting to be paid for his services, even though the diocese has never written him a check!
...just be prepared to discern between the knee jerk reaction of anger, versus the slow cooking pressure that same emotion. One will motivate you, the other will control you.

constant pressure: the key to getting ahead

2008-09-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

Today, I talked with a very frustrated and upset man. This conversation was result of my calling a guy every day for a week. Not that angry was focused on me or anything, but the whole thing overall was a testament to a primary rule getting things done in the church: constant and steady pressure. You have to be able to keep up and keep focused long enough for the situation to own itself up to you. So now, I only have one website to worry about, have convinced enough people that the current site cannot handle all the wonderful things I plan for it, and I am suddenly more busy than ever.
I also learned last night that the church I grew up in decided to sell it's building and move to a new location. What a church I work in when we make so many decisions based on the financial reports, eh?

Your Choice: Pick it up or not

2008-09-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

A couple of my native American Friends explained the concept of picking up what others lay down. In a nutshell, it works like this: "I choose (or refuse) to pick up what you just laid down." and "Will you choose (or refuse) to pick up what i just laid down."

It's a conversational and spiritual rule, having to do with choose to be responsible (or not) to what other people feel. As a minister, sometimes I HAVE to be responsible (my choice) for what others feel, it's my calling. BUT, I simply cannot be made responsible for past hurt, or the mistakes of those who came before me. I spent the first year of my service in Southern Ohio spinning my wheels as I tried to make up for the choices of the Directors who came before me. It wasn't until I was able to begin spawning new programs that healing actually took place (from my perspective) so I'm guessing that what i'm about right now, and in a way, what we're all about.

Can you change the past? No. Can you heal the past? Yes, but only by being aware of it as you walk into the future work you have been given. It's Whakepapa ("fakeypapa"), a Maori Native concept of ancestry whereby a person respects, remembers, and learns from their ancestors, keeping their spirits close, while they journey their own road.

So do i choose to pick up what has been put down before me? Not all of it...but I can pick up what I am able to, and only that much. I refuse to allow myself to fall back into workaholism and ubalanced living, and it's been nice to work in a place where people are willing to give me that freedom and that time.

Spinning Tires

2008-09-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'm working on getting this Diocesan Site up and running again, and i'm not sure if i'm pushing too hard, or not hard enough. I've got emails out to all clergy saying, "hello, i'm here, what do you want from this website?" and am still tracking down old web guy and new web girl to have the old site shut down and the new site opened up to me, respectively.
we'll see how this goes, but i can't seem to escape a general sense that life right now is "not right" and I keep defaulting to a negative, complaining attitude...which annoys me even more.
Ironic

Also today I had lunch with Ivanne Farr, "the gem lady," and offered to help her with some pro bono design work. (no worries to those regularly are concerned with my giving work away...this will be in trade for training in the jewelry world) I'll be helping with an identity system for Rare Earth Studios, and a possible system for a "Pure Caribbean" network of indigenous fine artists (porcelain, linens, jewelry, ceramics, etc) She's also offered to take me to a store for some food shopping, so io don'thave to keep paying $20-30/day in restaurant food.

Weary of it today...

2008-09-04T08:55:00.001-07:00

Last night, i was sitting on the front porch of Missioner's House talking to a friend on the phone. it was raining (it IS hurricane season) and night time. The power had been out for about half an hour all along the valley, and i was just sitting and enjoying the rain in this really strange light.
The rain stops, and I see a guy walking up the street and turn to look at him just as he raises his arm in the air and fires off three shots from the gun I had not seen. He was about 25 ft from me, i could see the orange glow of the muzzle fire, feel the sound waves from the shots, but hardly see anything. So i stand up and walk straight into the house. Within 10 minutes, i hear shots fired from three other parts of Charlotte Amalie.
So this whole thing was pretty good, actually. I learned that when i hear those gunshots, it might just be young guys unleashing a couple rounds just to feel like a badass? It's a whole tougher culture, and one that is so much better than the incessant talking and doing nothing from Ohio.
needless to say, with the power being out and the gunfire, that i didn't sleep much, and haven't done too much today at all...

Beginnings

2008-09-03T10:29:00.001-07:00

So I've been working my tail off today on the Diocesan Website project - critiquing it and trying to find the hosting systems for it. So far i've got two calls into the host provider for the old site to try and bring that down, wrote a new critique of the existing site, and worked more on bringin the USVI into the Episcopal Networks for Children's, Youth, and Young Adult ministries.

Day one

2008-09-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day at work, and i have been wrestling with blogs all, finally succumbing to the reality that blogger is just the easiest way for me to have all the little thing i want as easy as possible...
Once I get a design set up for this (and for RogerSpeer.com) this will be the best place to access all things Youth Ministry in the Episcopal Diocese of the Virgin Islands, and all things Roger Speer as I work giving whatever support I can to youth ministry here in the USVI.

Good luck?